Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
