Pants 0. Shit 1.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
