i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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