She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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