I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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