You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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