Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
