youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
