You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
