Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
