once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
