Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So much rum. So many feels.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
