you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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