Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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