Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
