i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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