I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize