While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
