We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
