Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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