Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
