So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
