I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
