you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
