He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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