apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
