Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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