Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
