Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My balls are so social today.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
