Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
