Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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