'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
