"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize