yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
