she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
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my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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