1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
