I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
