Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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