Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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