how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
