I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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