why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
