lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
