hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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