Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
