take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
