I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
