She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
