You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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