The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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