who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
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May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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