just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
