Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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