i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
