i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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