I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
