Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
