He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
