Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
