Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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