My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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