omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
