you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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