Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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