jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm both gender and math confused
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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