whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
cat food counts as protein by the way
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
