My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
