i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and she was petting her beer can
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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