I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
