But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I smell like Dick and happiness
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