My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
