Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
