That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
